Alexandria, VA – September is a strange month, isn’t it? Everyone’s finally back to school, lunchboxes are mysteriously missing lids again, and the routines are starting to settle. Sort of. But underneath the hustle of new schedules, sharpened pencils, and that leftover pool chlorine smell clinging to backpacks, something bigger is happening:
Our kids are becoming someone new.
Every school year marks more than just academic milestones. It’s also a powerful season of identity building, especially for tweens and teens. That first month back is like an emotional and developmental dress rehearsal. Who do I want to be this year? What’s different about me now? Am I the same person I was in June?
These questions aren’t always spoken aloud (because, well, teenagers), but they are loudly playing in the background of your kid’s brain.
And neuroscience backs this up. During adolescence, the brain undergoes massive remodeling. The prefrontal cortex, the part responsible for decision-making, self-reflection, and goal setting, is getting a glow-up. This means our kids are wired to start asking big identity questions, even when they don’t have the language for it yet.
It also means the social scene at school becomes a high-stakes laboratory for figuring out “who I am” in real time.
That’s why it’s so important for us grown-ups not to rush in with judgment, labels, or lectures when kids are trying on new identities. Yes, even the weird fashion phases or cringey slang. What looks like attitude or moodiness might actually be self-exploration. What sounds like defiance could be a tween’s clunky attempt at expressing independence.
And for families with college students? The same questions apply—but often with more independence, risk, and late-night ramen involved. College is the ultimate identity lab, where students try out philosophies, beliefs, majors, and sometimes hairstyles. It’s a time when they begin to separate who they are from who they’ve been told to be—and that’s a vital, if sometimes bumpy, process.
So here’s what I want to say to Alexandria families: As the academic year unfolds, don’t just ask how your child is doing in school. Ask who they’re becoming. And ask yourself that question, too. Because, honestly, we’re all still figuring it out.
Whether you’ve got a kindergartner learning how to stand in line, a high school junior wondering if AP Chem is worth the existential crisis, or a college sophomore testing out adulthood one laundry cycle at a time—this month is less about grades and more about growth.
And just like your child is not the same person they were last fall, neither are you.
Welcome to a new school year. Let’s give each other the space to become.
Do you have a question about your family? Ask it here – https://bit.ly/3T0SFSm
