Alexandria, VA – Dear Dr. Amy,
Every summer I start with the best intentions. I make lists of things my kids should do, places we should go, books they should read, and memories we should make. By August, I’m exhausted, they’re complaining they’re bored, and I feel like I’ve somehow failed summer. Is there a better way to think about all of this?
Sincerely,
Trying to Make It Count
Dear Trying to Make It Count,
Every year around Memorial Day, something strange happens.
Parents panic.
Suddenly we’re comparing camp schedules, researching enrichment opportunities, booking vacations, and wondering whether our children are getting enough exercise, enough reading, enough socialization, enough sunlight, enough life skills, and somehow enough relaxation at the same time.
It’s as if summer has become another thing we have to get right.
And honestly, I think we’re putting too much pressure on ourselves.
Many of us grew up with summers that looked very different. We rode bikes until dark. We wandered the neighborhood. We got bored. We figured it out. Our parents weren’t creating color-coded experiences designed to optimize every minute of our development.
Yet somewhere along the way, childhood became a project to manage. The irony is that while we worry about giving our kids the perfect summer, what they often need most is something much simpler: a sense of purpose.
Not a packed schedule. Not a résumé builder. Purpose.
That’s why I like encouraging families to create a simple summer GROW plan. At the beginning of summer, ask your child to choose one goal in each of four areas:
Get Better at Something. Maybe it’s soccer at Witter Field, swimming, cooking, skateboarding, or learning to ride a bike. The goal isn’t mastery. It’s growth.
Read Something. A novel, comic book, sports biography, audiobook, or graphic novel. Reading keeps brains active, but it doesn’t have to feel like homework.
Outside Adventure. Explore a new trail, visit Jones Point, paddle the Potomac, walk Old Town, or simply spend more time outdoors. Children’s brains and bodies benefit from experiences that happen beyond four walls and a screen.
Work Toward Something. Save for a purchase. Complete a service project. Learn a skill. Set a goal that requires patience and follow-through.
What I love about GROW is that it gives kids ownership. Instead of parents becoming cruise directors responsible for everyone’s entertainment, children begin thinking about what they want from their summer.
And that matters. Research consistently shows that motivation increases when people have a voice in setting their own goals. Kids are no different. So this summer, resist the urge to create perfection. Create direction instead.
A great summer is not measured by how many camps your child attended or how many activities filled the calendar. It’s measured by whether they had opportunities to grow, explore, connect, and discover a little more about themselves.
And if there are a few bored afternoons along the way? That might be where some of the best learning happens.
—Dr. Amy
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