By Holly Burnett
The horror film genre, not unlike children’s fairy tales, is historically predicated on the belief that every life experience is a cautionary tale, and bad things can be avoided if you do not “stray down the garden path.” So see if you recall the movies, and, in some cases, their sequels, that imparted these life lessons:
- Avoid acting on lust – anywhere at any time – especially if you are a teenager.
- Do not look under the bed, in the closet or behind a pulled shower curtain (especially if the water is running).
- If you approach a front door that is open (or opens for you), do not go inside. Turn around and run!
- Never agree to take care of other people’s children – either as a babysitter or a camp counselor.
- Do not name your child Damien.
- Avoid immature acts that could result in mutilation or dismemberment, such as walking on railroad tracks or putting your hand down a garbage disposal…as it never ends well.
- If someone suggests, “Let’s split up and meet back here,” don’t! Bad idea.
- Never stop at a roadside motel – even if its name is not Bates.
- Avoid curiosity. If you are told to “stay here” or “keep to the main road,” there is a good reason.
- Don’t get lost in the woods. In fact, don’t go into the woods at all.
- Know the location of your circuit breaker BEFORE the lights go out!
- And remember, villains never die the first time. Remain far enough away so they cannot grab your ankle as they resurrect from their gunshot wound between the eyes.
- Lastly, be leery of people who know too much about horror movies as they believe they can outsmart you – and we can…